A Life of Balance

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- Life has blessed me with time. If there was one thing that I’ve always wanted, it was to have a good steady pause from what I was doing. A couple of years back, before the pandemic struck, my office desk was almost undisturbed as I was always out doing fieldwork, attending meetings, and conducting seminars. Through it, I met people from all walks of life and had the opportunity to collaborate with different communities. I see their dedication and it inspired me to help. It was quite a fulfilling job as this has been my top aspiration in life. I could not think of any better work than what I was doing. I stood and spoke for a crowd and the reception was overwhelming. They were appreciative and grateful for all that they have learned. I was blessed to have such an opportunity.

In the middle of all those work, it was already understood that there had to be some sacrifices. I had to sleep and rest on buses as I traveled from town to town. I had to crouch myself on ferry bunk beds while traveling from port to port. I could only ease some space on my hotel bed as it was loaded with papers and training materials. The only connection I had with my loved ones was through calls while I traverse the provinces. I was fortunate to have colleagues who were sharp and stayed true to their work, family, and friends who were accommodating and understanding. They kept their pace despite the distance. While awake, my mind was busy formulating presentations and supervising all the management work. Weekends would mostly consist of delivering my laundry or getting my car fixed. I take a breather sometimes to watch some cable shows while receiving occasional calls from clients. If I get lucky, I get to spend time with my loved ones. Back then, this was a life I call, normal.

It was in March 2020 that the news of a virus caught everyone's attention. It spread exponentially in a matter of months and it had already breached the international lines. Everyone was disoriented as the changes were unheard of. Roads were blocked, travel was not permitted, and everyone was urged to stay home. It seemed a bit apocalyptic to see empty roads and closed stores. The news was filled with dire updates and everyone was required to wear masks and government-issued passes to access food. Many were heading back to their hometowns, others to their families, and some were unfortunately stranded. It was all very sudden that people thought it was just a temporary glitch and that things will go back to normal. Social media was everyone’s escape while waiting for the strange calamity to end. As I checked my office, I saw that it was all quiet and empty. I had the feeling that this was no ordinary event. It was almost straight from a sci-fi movie. If it wasn’t an alien invasion, it could have been the end of the world as we know it.

During this time, everyone was hustling up to keep a semblance of normality. Everyone went on to grind and save whatever normalcy there was left. They stepped up their efforts and held on. As the lockdowns extended for months, everyone was getting stressed out and that feeling of uncertainty was looming. There were a series of surges and it was clear how difficult it was to contain the virus. Everyone began offering their own set of solutions and it strained their relationships, their livelihoods, and even their health. The mood was unsettling as people's dissatisfaction was on the brink of unrest. People held on to their faith wishing for things to get better. It was a situation beyond anyone’s control and it seemed like the stars had already spoken.

The world has changed. That was the realization I had early on. Whether we liked it or not, we were forced to be swept away by this strong current. With this huge tidal wave, the rest of humanity could only hold on to whatever branch they could grasp before finally submitting to the inevitable. We only had two choices that time, whether to hold on or to let go. Both offer the same level of uncertainty but the former seems to be the most rational. Indeed, it took courage to make that fateful decision. It was clear. It was time to move on from the old. The world that we used to know had already passed. We just have to close our eyes, have faith, and let go. Like any other storm, this one shook everyone's ground. This rogue wave hit so hard that boats began to capsize.

I opened my eyes and found myself on a distant shore. I heard waves crashing on the sand. I squinted my eyes as the sun broke out from the horizon. The sounds of birds were invigorating as the cool breeze encouraged me to catch a deep breath. I felt alive. I looked at my watch it was 5:48 AM and I just had a 5-kilometer ride on my bike. I sat on a log underneath a coconut tree and saw the sunrise glow like embers. The weather was calm and I could see the dense clouds dissipating. I was given a nudge. It has been two years since I decided to rest from work. I was filled with gratitude to be alive and catch up for the lost time. A part of me has already died in the pandemic and waking up to this new reality is more than what I could ask for. I was lucky to find some ground. Helping others is a noble thing to do but doing so will require great balance. I’m always passionate about work, but this time around, I am a bit more mindful. Truly, having time for yourself is gold. Living it is priceless.

My experience between holding on and letting go was a transformational one. That fateful decision to move on spelled the difference between stress and enthusiasm. I already know which road to take as I continue this path of service. The world will continue to change and there is no telling how this chapter will end. One thing is for sure, I will still be here to do what I aspire to do, only this time, my ways have changed.