Can I have this Dance?

When we think of an ideal relationship, many of us fall into the pursuit of perfection. We want our partner to be perfect in reality as they are on paper. A relationship that avoids conflicts, is effortless, and straight out of a movie. People chase the perfection they often see in the media. But a healthy relationship is not the absence of mistakes. Most often, it is messy, rough, uneven and sometimes hopeless.

Think of a relationship as a dance. You might not get it right the first time but it gets better when you keep practicing even when you step on each other's toes. In my opinion, the obsession with perfection is actually a form of emotional stagnation. If you are not allowed to fail, you are not allowed to learn. And having this sene of emotional security changes the internal monologue from "I must be perfect to be loved" to "I am safe enough to make mistakes."

Good communication is an important aspect here. It’s important that we speak up to create an environment where ideas, thoughts and opinions are open. We may stumble through a difficult conversation, but we emerge with a deeper understanding of each other's longings. Oftentimes, we find it hard to make mistakes because we see failure as a threat to our well-crafted identities.

We mistake perfection for success. If we think the relationship is good and polished , we are afraid to disrupt it with any form of inconveniences. It is a challenge because it requires us to move beyond our fears and trust that the relationship is strong enough to hold the truth.

At the end of the day, asking the right questions can either make or break the relationship. During a disagreement, we can pause and ask, "Is this something where we can fail, try, and grow?" This simple question re-centers the conversation on improvement rather than highlighting on lack or flaws. 

Remind yourself that the goal should be to keep moving forward together, regardless of how fast or slow the progress is. Always remember to acknowledge when another person tries to express a difficult emotion, even if they do not do it perfectly. It is the realization that this imperfect dance can actually be more beautiful than a polished one, because it is not staged. It is raw. It is real. Thus it holds truth.