Look at the Stars

In the early stages of a relationship, our individual dreams often take a backseat to the thought and excitement of being with another. We want to earnestly offer ourselves, often making quiet personal sacrifices. But as the relationship matures, we enter the stage where we realize that a partnership does not thrive on sacrifices alone, but with a conscious and intentional effort to honor each other's individual journeys. Support one another, together, without diminishing another one's light.

For me, a relationship that demands the end of individual dreams is not a healthy partnership but a seeming power struggle between titans, like how the sun overpowers the moon, not like stars that illuminate side by side. Gentleness or gracefulness can help ease the tension because it assures that neither side feels pressured by the other's needs or passions.

Reaching for mutual support in relationships is a challenge because our insecurities often tell us that if our partner grows along an independent path, they might grow away from us or, worse, leave us. We fear that their new aspirations will require too many risks from our end and it can rupture the stability of the relationship. We constantly worry about losing a predictable structure we comfortably built, undermining the greater possibilities that await the other. Will they still be the person I married if they change their career or their passions? Most importantly, will I still matter?

It takes no less than selfless consideration to realize that the love of your life is an evolving being, not a static object meant to fit into a preconceived mold or kept secure like a trophy on a shelf. The challenge couples often have is moving past the selfish urges to keep partners small enough in the safety of their pockets and and release them to where they are truly happy.

On the other hand, a partner who is drawn to a new aspiration may fear that pursuing it may burden the other. In the effort not to destabilize the status quo, they suppress their dreams, allowing the situation to slowly metastasize into a bitter and uninspired version of themselves. In theory, when mutual support is present, it gives them better footing moving forward. They can openly embrace each other's dreams and allow them to redefine their journey as people, not just couples. They do not see aspirations as a threat to their stability but as an opportunity to grow and thrive in the sea of possibilities.

When there is mutual support, couples create a win-win environment where the success of one is celebrated as the success of the other. The assurance of knowing that someone has your back turns a scary leap into a worthwhile adventure, paving a way for a life of discoveries, not pre-ordained by human reason, but something inspired by the stars.